When Rejection Deeply Hurts You

When Rejection Deeply Hurts You

Hi Friend,

Have you ever been rejected, uninvited or felt unwanted by someone you love? I have and gosh, rejection it hurts. Deeply.

Just recently Lysa TerKeurst released her latest book, Uninvited and based on the response a lot of other people are feeling deeply hurt too.

Lysa’s book came at just the right time as I was trying to process the pain of rejection (from a close friend) in my own life. Lysa helped me see rejection from a totally different perspective.

Honestly, I had to use a lot of self-control as I read Uninvited, because it was so good! The insights and principles in each chapter were incredibly rich and I wanted to read the entire book in one sitting. Sort of like devouring an extra large hot fudge sunday … it’s so good you just can’t stop with a few spoonfuls.

But I chose to intentionally slow down and read one chapter a day to let the truths Lysa shared really sink into my heart and mind. God has definitely used the messages in Uninvited to soften the pain and redirect my thoughts towards a better perspective for that person who hurt me. Guess what? This week on the blog I’m giving away one copy of Uninvited

God definitely used the messages in Uninvited to soften the pain and redirect my thoughts towards a better perspective for that person who hurt me.

If you haven’t read Uninvited I have great news for you.

I’m giving away one signed copy of the book on my blog this week!

That’s right and you’ll want to sign up for the drawing today. Here’s a short description:

In Uninvited, Lysa shares her own deeply personal experiences of rejection – from the perceived judgment of the perfectly toned woman one elliptical over to the incredibly painful childhood abandonment by her father. She leans in to honestly examine the roots of rejection, as well as rejection’s ability to poison relationships from the inside out, including our relationship with God

With biblical depth, gut-honest vulnerability, and refreshing wit, Lysa will help you:

    * Stop feeling left out by believing that even when you are overlooked by others you are handpicked by God.
    * Change your tendency to either fall apart or control the actions of others by embracing God-honoring ways to process your hurt.
    * Know exactly what to pray for the next ten days to steady your soul and restore your confidence in the midst of rejection.
    * Overcome the two core fears that feed your insecurities by understanding the secret of belonging.

uninvited-1

To enter the drawing –> Leave a comment below sharing a piece of advice you’d give a close friend if he/she was going through the heartache of rejection. 

To find out more about Lysa TerKeurst and Uninvited go to www.UninvitedBook.com

uninvited-bookcover

Leah

Comments

  1. I have a 23 yr old son who has been overlooked, and rejected for years upon years by EVERYONE we are related to, beginning with his father. It was group after group from our large extended family. My son is kind, unselfish. He is an only child except for half siblings, who have also rejected him, without ever having met him. He has known of uncles and aunts extending themselves to other cousins. He knows of these gestures, and is genuinely happy for his cousins. However, the apparent elimination of him leaves him hurt and confused. I too am baffled. However the pain i feel as I witness my son in pain, is more than I can articulate. My son has attempted to end his life three times in two years. He can’t seem to accept comfort from me. I don’t have any wayto ease his ovoverwhelming grief. I’m at a complete loss. And very honestly, I must keep returning to the Lord for the anger I feel at this injustice. As a single mom, I grow quite weary as pray and wait for a breakthrough.

  2. I don’t know what else I would say, except love that friend the way Jesus would love them. I would want his love to flow through me so she would know that she matters and is loved and accepted…. Please pray for my son who has gone away from the Lord after a very painful divorce and 2 years of depression….

  3. Leah, thank you as I so needed this reminder of how Jesus chose to publicly heal the long suffering woman at the synagogue. I’m choosing to faithfully obey His direction for me during a difficult time of separation from my husband of 32 years. My 16 year old daughter and I have lived in one apartment for about a year and with three friends during the 20 months since having to leave our home. She has attended 3 different high schools as we’ve moved and will now have to move again in a few weeks. I work part time but am seeking full time work since getting laid off due to state budget cuts over a year ago. I know that God will answer my prayers and trust Him to carry us through. My daughter suffers from anxiety, depression and ADHD but is smart, beautiful, compassionate and resilient. Thank you for your prayers as I feel so burdened today. Knowing that my answered prayers are just around the corner, I am confident that God will bless the second half of my life even more than the first as I choose to follow His path for me. No matter how many disappointments or rejections, I am loved by the One who has chosen me as His child and I can rest in His arms even in the midst of uncertainties and brokenness.

  4. Thank you for the encouraging words this morning shared through Proverbs 31 ministries (When The Struggles of Life Knock You Over). I got knocked over two years ago with the stillbirth of a grandchild followed by the news that our daughter-in-law had a brain tumor. I have struggled to hang on to hope and wait on the LORD but sometimes, like just last Saturday, I wake up and find I am “bent over” all over again…your words are encouraging today and the reminder that “the LORD longs to be gracious to you”. Still, i would covet your prayers.

  5. Thank you for sharing today’s devotion called “When the struggles of life knock you over”. It is difficult to speak out our struggles. I pray we all will find joy throughout the journey so hope won’t wax and wane or give Satan any foothold. God’s Word keeps us close to Him. His Spirit moves and breathes to keep us alive. His love gives hope and joy we need. Confession and repentance are life changers. Prayers of true believers are precious and encouraging. Dear Father, Please hear our Prayers, for we need you so desperately. Thank you Lord Jesus for giving us Your Spirit to know You are always with us no matter what. Thank you for forgiveness, and renewing our minds, and change of hearts. Thank you for healing even if takes a life time.
    We know we have an Eternity with YOU. Please save those in our lives who don’t want to know you. We love them but God, You love them more. Help us BE the image bearer You expect. We are Royalty in Your Precious Name.
    Amen!

  6. Your prayer in this mornings email devotion was so appropriate for me: ” Lord, I come to You today and lay all my burdens at Your feet. Take the emotional and mental weight I’ve been carrying so that I can stand upright again. Draw near to me. Heal me. Free me. I want to live assured, secure and continuously aware of Your loving embrace. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.” I have been experiencing paralyzing anxiety for the past two years and I cannot describe how devastating and exhausting it is. I treasure your prayers because the longer this lasts the more afraid I become. I am on medication and seeing a counselor but it it hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

  7. I would pray for wisdom about how to share encouragement. God’s Word should be our go-to, and we must not let our friends forget His faithfulness, but sometimes we need to just let them share and process while simply being present and then asking if we can pray with them.

  8. Remember My Child
    Your dearly loved
    Remember My Child
    You are cherished from above

    I loved you forever
    It remains unchanged
    I’m always knocking at the door of your heart
    I will never go away

    Remember My Child Oh Oh Oh Oh
    Remember My Child Oh Oh Oh Oh
    Remember My Child Oh Oh Oh Oh
    I will never go away

    Remember My Child
    Sent from above
    There’s no one else like you
    You’re my only one

    I loved you forever
    It remains unchanged
    I’m always knocking at the door of your heart
    I will never go away

    Remember My Child Oh Oh Oh Oh
    Remember My Child Oh Oh Oh Oh
    Remember My Child Oh Oh Oh Oh
    I will never go away
    Remember My Child Oh Oh Oh Oh
    Remember My Child Oh Oh Oh Oh
    Remember My Child Oh Oh Oh Oh
    Oh Oh

    Remember My Child Oh Oh Oh Oh
    Remember My Child Oh Oh Oh Oh

    I will never
    I will never
    I will never go away

    I will never
    I will never go away

    Written by:
    Malisa Davis and Amanda Fils-Aime
    Sung by: Amanda Fils-Aime (Billiter)
    Will soon be recorded. I’ll send you an example on Facebook messenger.

  9. From birth I was rejected and abandoned. My mother was not able to give what every child needs. To be loved and cherished. I struggled throughout my childhood and youth. One day a friend of mine had a Aunt that I went to church with. I had built a fortress around my heart and never felt loved until I met her. I’ll never forget the day she picked me up and we went to Andy’s Restaurant. We were sitting in the car and she started crying. She said she didn’t know how to reach me. At that very moment, I felt loved for the 1st time. No one had ever cried for me before. That was over 30 yrs ago. We bonded and communicate daily. She never gave up on me. I saw the Love of Jesus through her and it changed my life forever.
    Always be compassionate and loving towards others cause you may the only Love of Jesus they have ever seen. Rejection scars the soul and cripples the emotions, but Gods Love heals the brokenness.

    • Malisa, thank you for sharing your tender story. Thank goodness for people like your friend’s aunt who cared enough to make a difference in your life that is still impacting you 30+ years later. God heals the brokenhearted.

  10. Kristin Sommers :

    I would say “I love you and so does God”

  11. “God Won’t Abandon You – You are a child of God, Created By God, Secured, Accepted, and Valued By God. You have direct access to God’s throne of Grace. Nothing can separate us from God’s Love. God will never abandon you” (Bomi Jolly ~JollyNotes.com).

  12. This being something that I’ve struggled with for years and continue to struggle with at times, my go to advise is Psalms 139. That was what was given to me when I finally had courage to talk to sometime in college and got counseling for the almost two years of abuse that started when I was in kindergarten. I know there were other things that were said in helping to deal with the additional dominoes that fell as aresult of being molested, but Psalms 139 is what stuck, what I remember and go back to every time feelings of rejection begin to rise.

    I knew the “spiritual” God loves me and Jesus died in the cross to pay for my sin, but Psalms 139 filled the emotional hole. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. The fact that before iwas born all the days of my life were written down. And it isn’t just because God is omniscient and knows what’s going to happen, but I was so important to God that He ordained those days.

    And I especially love the “How wonderful are Your thoughts towards me…” I’m so special to God that there’s no where I can go and there’s nothing I may do or go through that would keep Him from me. I can try and hide from Him but it’s impossible to do.

    If you want to really feel special envelope yourself with Psalms 139!

  13. I would remind her of how truly amazing she is and remind her of God’s love for her. I would tell her I know how much that rejection hurts. I would also remind her that God sees our pain and our hurt but if we give it all to Him then He can also heal that hurt and pain.

  14. Rejection is about the other person’s inability to see beyond their wants. It doesn’t have anything to do with your worth or worthiness.

  15. I honestly don’t know what I would tell a friend. I would like to read the book and maybe recommend it to them.

  16. Audrey Duke Shelander :

    Best thing I’ve learned is that people rarely do bad things to be against you; they do things FOR themselves.

  17. Our God is faithful even when man is not. Look to God in every moment. When your eyes are on Him, and your heart is turned towards Him, He will remind you that you highly favored, greatly blessed, deeply loved and a child of the Most High God. It is hard to remember in the dark times, but write it down and tape it to your bathroom mirror. His love never fails.

  18. Remember that rejection is redirection. God uses everything in the lives of those who sincerely seek Him for their growth and His glory.

  19. much prayers. we have to battle those thoughts, feelings and actions with praying.

  20. Honestly, I don’t know what I would say. I think I can just offer a listening ear and just be there for her. Sometimes words are overrated, presence means more. Just my humble opinion.

  21. I bought Uninvited to help me deal with the end of my 12 year marriage. We have been struggling for a long time, and he has left before, but this was the first time I was the one to leave. It didn’t take long for me to regret it and ask him to come back to me, and for the past 2 months he has vascillated between coming back to me and going back to his new girlfriend, but the past 2 weeks he has been adamantly denying we will ever get back together and demanding I let him go and move on. I have been praying for his soul and see signs that he is going back to church and pondering God’s will, but I also read Love Must Be Tough and realize I have been begging too long and I must set him free. It is terribly difficult to leave him alone because I miss him and our time together with our 2 boys, but I know he must be the one to decide he still loves me and wants to fulfill our vows, and if God is not the center of that decision it will not work. So I ask that you pray with me as I stand for restoration and reconciliation with my ex-husband, because God has not released me from that hope yet, and patience is definitely not my strength. I know much work needs to be done in both of us, and I am doing all I can, and must trust God is pursuing him to do his part. I am getting stronger each day, but still miss the other half of my one flesh. I still have faith that God wants us back together with Him as the center of our lives.

    • I went through a similar situation as my marriage ended. It was so painful. I felt like everyone was on the sidelines watching me be humiliated. I cried every day! One day I begged and pleaded with him enough that he gave in and went to a free Christian counseling session with me. The counselor said one thing that set me free…sometimes we have to stop trying to save people from themselves. We have to let go and allow God to direct the situation. I did, and I’m so glad now. I’m praying that God will guide you as you pursue His will for your marriage.

  22. I would tell my friend you are not alone, it hurts badly, but it wont always because God heals us and loves us and never rejects us no matter what someone else may do. I would tell my friend I have and do go through this quite a bit even now, and with God’s help and His tools I will walk with you through this that we both will be healed

  23. I would tell my friend you are not alone, it hurts badly, but it wont always because God heals us and loves us and never rejects us no matter what someone else may do. I would tell my friend I have and do go through this quite a bit even now, e
    and with God’s help and His tools I will walk with you through this that we both will be healed

  24. The concept of overcoming rejection is timely for me as I’m ministering to a friend in the throes of uncovering her husband’s adultery and now abandonment. How I remember those dark days full of unspeakable pain! It’s so hard when the one who stood before God and promised to love you forever breaks that sacred bond! But since rejection and fear go hand in hand, I always come back to my favorite verse, 2 Timothy 1:7: “For the Lord has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love and of power and of a sound mind.” I pray my sweet friend and all ladies suffering through this situation will overcome their pain of fear and rejection.

  25. Psalms 139 has always reminded me how God himself made me special and unique. I would definetly share this scripture with my friend who feels rejected. I would share how much God loves her and made her for a very special purpose. That through everything, and in everything He is there with her and to remember that she is a daughter of the most High King.

  26. Rom 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

    No condemnation, but reconciliation. No matter how others fail us, God never fails.
    The Gospel informs our thinking through hardship, joy, pain and suffering. I would flood my sweet sister with truth reminding her that God has demonstrated and consumated the greatest proof of love on the cross. And we have all we need in Christ! 💗

  27. I would tell my friend that God loves her unconditionally! That she needed to be in the word daily because that is our weapon against that lying enemy. And even when we can’t control others we can can control how we respond and take in what they hit us with!

  28. I would say to that friend what I have said to myself – God loves you more than you could possibly understand this side of Heaven. As much as this rejection hurts your heart, and the disloyalty can shock you into inaction, keep your focus on who GOD says you are, not what that person says you are – either by their words or their actions, or both. You will get through this holding tightly to God’s hand.

  29. I know the pain of rejection and how deeply it flows through your thoughts, heart and soul. And how it’s not easy to get over. Our Savior dealt with rejection too and because of His suffering, and death, we are now God’s daughters. We are no longer part of this world, but His. Lay your pain and sorrow at His feet. Let Him rap His arms around you as you lie in His lap. He will give you peace. He will heal your heart and soul. Give Him praise as He knows the plans His has for you and this is but a bump in the road. Hugs my sister.

  30. Press in to the pain. Acknowledge it. Feel it. Then turn it over to God. Turn it over again if it returns. And again. He wants to carry this for you and to carry you through it.

  31. Rejection is one of my big struggles – it has affected every avenue of my life my entire life. From birth into an abusive home, to the rejection born in the failing of a 24 year marriage. God has been so gracious, especially in this last year. I’ve been walking with Him through so many changes, a clearing out of sorts – definitely a renewing, It has only required obedience and faith that no matter what I “feel like”, I am chosen. He has been Faithful every step. Present every step. Enough in every way. It simply cannot be more important who accepts us or rejects us here, than the truth that there is a friend, brother, husband, mentor, counselor, confidante who is unfailing at everything, who loves us enough that He died to present His lifeblood as proof and seal that we are chosen. “I have called you by name. You are mine.” Isaiah 43:1 … I’ve held onto that truth every day since January, and I’ve walked out my faith in obedience to take care of myself. As of yesterday, I am 87lbs freer from the lies that were binding me, and weighing me down!! Our enemy uses everything we allow him to, to convince us that we’re not enough, to weigh us down in any way that he can to keep us from being effective for Christ — but we are under no obligation to believe him – and why would we believe the Father of Lies when the absolute embodiment of Honest Truth tells us that we are His. You are chosen regardless of what it may feel like, look like, or even seem. Chosen and called by name. Pronounced; “Mine!”

  32. Oh my goodness, I recently had to encourage a sweet young lady that my son broke up with, and it stung my heart like I had felt MANY years ago when I had been rejected! I told her that these life experiences are just stepping stones that God uses to mold us into the strong women he wants us to be. I hope it helped my sweet friend, but I was also preaching to my own heart!

    Would love to read Lysa’s new book…she is awesome! Thank you Leah, for the chance at it! 🙂

  33. I would remind them that God has a plan and we don’t understand or know what it is but sometimes it is for our benefit. Also to pray for that person and the situation. We have to give it to God and not try to “FIX” it ourselves or involve other people. God is in control and we just have to give it to him.

  34. It hurts and it feels like you will never heal but one day you wake up and notice the pain isn’t as strong as it was. It’s still there and you can still recall the way the wound feels but a little bit gets erased as time goes on. Time won’t heal the wound but God does. And I believe He is in the background saying Come to me. It hurts but that rest I promised you? Here it is.

  35. When you are hurting and feel rejected, turn to God who knows your hurt more than anyone else and is the God of all comfort. He,alone can fill that hurt with his love and peace that surpasses anything else.

  36. The one thing I have learned in life is that the only one that does not reject us is God. Hold on tight to one scripture, such as Isaiah 41:9 where it speaks about how God has not rejected us and has called us to himself. He gives us strength when we need it and holds us close to his heart. He has good plans for our future and will never leave us or forsake us. He is literally the best friend you will ever have, especially in unshakable times.

  37. I’d remind them and me that God does loves and care about everything and sometimes life hurts. It’s okay to feel the pain, just not get stuck in the emotions. Take time to pray and read God’s word, especially the Psalms. They seem so alive to what we think and feel. Give it some time but don’t isolate and when the hardest feelings come on strong, to stop and pray or contact someone who can give support.

  38. I would remind my friend that God cares, is always there, and that He is the only one who can meet all our needs. Our identity is in Him and not in what others think about us.

  39. I would say just Trust God…even when you can’t see or trace him , Trust Him, he has another plan/purpose, we only see in part but he see the entire picture from beginning to the end. Mans rejection is God’s re-direction.

  40. I am teaching a ladies Bible Study using Lysa Terkeurst’s Book, Uninvited. As we share lessons the Lord is teaching us through times of feeling rejected, less than, and left out, we need to be mindful that God never rejects us, He has handpicked us and never leaves us out. He always invites us in to fellowship with us. His Word is full of promises and verses telling us how much He loves us and values us. We are invited to His table to sup with him. Praying each lady lives loved so that they can run to the Lord when they feel rejection of any kind.

  41. I would say that I would never invalidate your pain. It will hurt for awhile & I would walk beside you during that healing process. God is an amazing healer!

    Thank you Leah for this opportunity!

    xoxo,
    Melissa

    • Melissa, validating someone else’s hurt definitely helps bridge the gap as we cross over to offer words of truth and hope to them. Love you comments. 🙂

  42. Know who you are, a child of the King. Jesus was rejected big time. Psalm 34:5 ” Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.”God loves us and the ones who do the rejecting. When I experience rejection, I realize that the other person or persons may be going through a hard time and that they have issues. This helps me to not take the rejection too personally. Pray for them.

  43. Since opening my heart to God I have felt that some of my friends are rejecting me and making fun of me. It hurts! I love them but not sure if I need to hold on to them or let them go.

    • Jill, I understand. Keep praying for them and look to God for guidance. You may win some over for Christ as you plant seeds of truth in faith. Others may not follow, but you will have been obedient to the Lord as you trusted Him with your friendships.

  44. Hold tight to God knowing that He will never reject it, pray about ur feelings and if/when you should confront person you feel rejected you, and most importantly-obey that direction, even when it’s not the answer you want.

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